How Vriska Stole 12th Perigee
by AOA404
Summary: Vriska is upset that she never got to celebrate 12th Perigee like the other trolls. But this year, she comes up with a scheme to make sure NOBODY gets to enjoy it! With the help of her unwilling accomplice Tavros, will her evil plan to steal the holiday work!


All the trolls

And their lusi

Liked 12th Perigee a lot…

But Vriska,

Who had a very nasty lusus

Did not!

Vriska hated 12th perigee! The whole 12th perigee season!

Now, please don't ask why. I've already explained the reason.

It isn't that her head wasn't screwed on quite right.

And no, it isn't that her shoes are too tight.

The actual reason is pretty simple, you see.

It's because her spider mom is as mean as can be.

But,

Pick your own reason,

Her mom or her head,

She hated 12th Perigee, and wished it was dead.

Staring down from her tower with a sour, spider frown,

But I don't know at what, because there was nothing around.

I guess it was because all the Trolls down beneath

Were hanging up light-grubs and 12th perigee wreath.

"And they're hanging their gift-socks!" she snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is 12th Perigee! It's practically here!"

Then she growled, with her spider fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find a way to keep 12th Perigee from coming!"

Vriska turned to Tavros, her co-conspirator in the grand scheme to rob all of the other Trolls of a merry 12th Perigee.

"uMMM…wHO ARE YOU TALKING TO, vRISKA?"

Tavros' silly question fell on deaf ears as Vriska grinned evily.

"I hope you're ready for this, Tavros! Today is the day 8efore 12th Perigee! And you know what that means…"

"tHAT TRYING TO GO TO A STORE IS TERRIBLE IDEA?"

"No you idiot! We have to put my plan into action tonight! 8ut first, there are some things we have to take care of…Metaphorical irons, that need to 8e removed from the metaphorical fire!"

"lIKE WHAT?" Tavros asked.

"Well…The first thing we need to do is…"

And so the two set out, gathering materials for a grand machine of Vriska's ingenious design. She wouldn't tell Tavros what it was, but she had planned it many perigees ago.

"sERIOUSLY, WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?"

Shut up Tavros. Anyway, where was I? Ah, right. Tavros and I- er…Tavros and Vriska collected all sorts of random and useless junk from all around. They then brought it to their alchemitter and alchemized one of the greatest forms of transportation ever concieved! The "seat with bottom-mounted blades device"! Tavros stared at, a blank look of befuddlement upon his face. He curiously asked how it worked.

"uH…nO I DIDN'T."

"I'm glad you asked, Tavros!"

"…"

"You see, I attach a flying animal to the front with these ropes, then sit in the seat and hit it with a whip until it takes me where I want to go. I will use this to visit the hives of all of the other Trolls and steal all of their presents! Then I'll put the presents into a 8ag and toss them into a chasm or a volcano or something."

"bUT…wHY CAN'T WE JUST LET EVERYONE KEEP THEIR PRESENTS? i'M SURE SOMEONE GOT YOU SOMETHING. yOU KNOW…uMMM…i DID."

"Yeah, that's gr8. Now come here, I need you to do something."

And with that, Vriska seized the bull by the horns and tied him to the seat with bottom-mounted blades device. She dawned an absolutely wonderful red and white outfit that Kanaya made her and hopped into the seat. With a crack of her whip and a wicked laugh, she screamed into the night,

"FLY, PUPA, FLY!"

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the Trolls were all dreaming sweet dreams without care

When she came to the first hive in the square.

"This is stop num8er one," The young Spider Claus hissed.

Then she climbed to the roof, empty bags in her fist.

Then she crawled and creeped, with a smile most unpleasent,

Around the whole room, and she took every present!

Pop guns! Two wheel devices! Four wheel shoe devices! Drums!

Checkerboards! Three wheel devices! Popcorn! And plums!

And she stuffed them in bags. Then Vriska, very nimbly,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then she slunk to the icebox. She took the Trolls' feast!

She took the Grub-pudding! She took the roast hoofbeast!

She cleaned out that icebox as quick as flash.

Why, that Vriska even took their last can of Grub-hash!

Then she stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned Vriska, "I will stuff up the behemoth leaving! Wait, that doesn't rhyme…"

And she grabbed the behemoth leaving, and she started to shove

When she head a small sound like the coo of a dove.

She turned around fast, and she saw a young troll.

Sollux Captor, a yellow-blood unaware of her goal.

"Vrii2ka? What are you doiing iin my Hiive? Also why are you talkiing liike that? And mo2t iimportantly, what are you doiing wiith my behemoth leaviing?"

"Well you see…There's 8een an out8r8k of uh…Grub flu."

"…Grub flu."

"Yes! I And I volunteered to go around and t8ke everyone's 8ehemoth leavings! 8ecause they're the source!"

"…Riight. Of cour2e they are."

Our hero now found herself in a bind!

But with her cool spider powers, she took over his mind!

This calmed the troll. Then she patted his head

And she got him a drink and she sent him to bed.

And while the mustard-blood went to bed with his cup,

SHE went to the chimney and stuffed the leaving up!

"That's it. We've stopped at everyone's hive now! It's a8out time we took all these metaphorical fires and threw them into a _very_ literal fire!"

"vRISKA. tHIS IS REALLY MEAN," Tavros whined.

"You know what's mean? My lusus m8de me t8ke the presents of the Trolls I killed and fed to her! 8ND THEY NEVER H8D 8NYTHING GOOD!"

"…i…wOW."

"Terri8le, I know…8ut now, NO8ODY gets presents! This 12th Perigee, _I_ get 8e the one who laughs at everyone else 8ecause they didn't get anything for 12th Perigee 8ecause no8ody likes them! _I_ get to 8e the one who shows off all my cool new stuff to the stupid spider girl that everyone h8s! _ME_!"

Tavros teared up slightly for no real reason.

"nO REAL REASON? tHAT WAS REALLY SAD. i DIDN'T KNOW PEOPLE WERE MEAN TO YOU ABOUT-"

Then the moment arrived! It was finally here!

The time for Vriska to holler and cheer!

For right now, all the Trolls would start to wake.

And over the sound of their tears,

She'd shout "THEMS THE 8R8KS!"

But the sound wasn't sad!

Why…This sound was apathetic!

It didn't make sense!

She just didn't get it!

It made Vriska mad,

Which could get quite gory.

"Why aren't they sad?!

I'M SUPPOSED TO WIN IN THIS STORY!"

Then Vriska got a message,

From the white text guy.

The condescending one,

Who blew up her eye.

"You see my dear, no one actually cares.

Oh, by the way. Watch out for those stairs."

Wait. What stairs?

Vriska can no longer narrate this story. She was pacing back and forth when she tripped on karma and fell down a flight of stairs. I did warn her about stairs.

But this story ends happy,

As they usually do.

Tavros righted Vriska's wrong,

And he stayed pure and true.

He returned all the gifts

To their original owners.

Both crabby young men,

And horse-loving loners.

It was a great day.

Yes, all of the trolls were delighted.

They had a huge party,

And Vriska wasn't invited.


End file.
